`Deep Shit`
They say life is just a cycle.
The wheel of life keeps rotating, and when it goes up, its bound to come down. Which makes me seriously doubt it, cuz my life seems to be pretty much stuck at the bottom half of the deadly cycle shit. Life was not by any means gr8 during the hols, spent some vetti times with pals... that was the highlight, everything else was pretty much okay.
And then my hols ended and college started... same old shit, new flavor, more like.
Fate, or rather, the karma of my Semesters struck around the wee hours of the 4th of June. And Jesus, was it a bolt from the blue.
Then started the steady decline of events. It was beautiful, in a violently brutal sort of way. Things falling apart, breaking down, happen with such precise detail, that for a moment you are totally mesmerized by them.
Lost the bike that had been promised for me, long ago, by my family. In something that I didn't foresee, I lost my watch due to sheer negligence, turns out getting a new one isn't exactly a piece of cake. Add to that, a lost Ericsson headset, that my dad swore he'll never buy again.
I had been promised a monthly allowance of 1k.. and that scheme went down the drain next. So I was stranded at the beginning of the new month, without two bucks to rub together. And more so, when one of the most special days in my life arrived, and left me feeling rather helpless and torn, the burden of an unkept promise weighing on my back.
But its gotta turn, this tide. I hope it does.
Maybe materialistic pleasure isn't everything, as some say. But for some reason, I can't see the story behind that. Its not a wonderful thing, being pissed off at the world all the time. Not that I'm whining about an unfair world, I think I truly deserve what I'm going through. But then, its been too long since something I always wanted happened the way I wanted it to.
This facade, this mask that I wear, is cracking. The smile spray-painted on its outer half is fading into oblivion, there lies nothing but a blank cold surface, drained of hope. Tired of Life.
It withers away, its falling now.
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5 Fellows Swore At This:
I know how it feels man.. when you're down in the dumps and you cling on to that little hope that never fades away however bad the situation is...
Your time will come man, the bike, the perfect bday gift, etc.. everything will come and when they do embrace it, enjoy the happy moments as if they would never come back, cause i knw how it feels when you're so depressed that you know the happier times will probably never come...
Just remember everything that has a begining has an end..
yeah, dude. that little bit of hope is all thats driving me now. i hope it doesn't run out on me either..
and dude its the 4th of july not 4th june !!the day americans were bursting firecrackers celebrating their freedom we lost ours!!
no feelin's...i can get yu...btw howz life treatin' yu now???
Stumbled upon this blog ... laugh riot some of your posts are!
I'd have moved on if I hadn't found this one post. I was in a strikingly similar situation as well ... on July 4 ... it was the dreaded results ... and I felt(rightly) that I deserved it all too. I lost out on much of life around that time (like your headset, pocket money) ... fortunately things changed.
Life's beautiful again.
Hope yours is too.
LM
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